Three ways to integrate wisdom into your HR practice

For busy HR professionals balancing the demands of an organisation, professional development, and life outside of work, it can be difficult to find new inspiration.

From a recent deep dive into the wisdom movement thanks to the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco, here are three pointers that I hope can add some fresh food for thought into your HR practice.

1. The small things are the big things

Its very easy to get lost in strategy documents, employment negotiations, long range planning or the detail of administrative work.  Its so easy to lose sight of the important things you can do to add value to your organisation – often times these are in the simple gestures and words that someone in your position can use to convey a warmth and inclusiveness vital to organisational engagement and hence productivity.  Connecting with people in real ways frequently, taking the time to soften the tone of an email, spending that extra 15 minutes coaching vs directing someone on a work related problem, stopping the voice in your head in order to really listen to someone, and taking the time to drink in a small win.  These are the small things from which other bigger things are borne.

2. Follow your passion

Time and time again I heard at Wisdom 2.0 of people doing amazing things.  None of it was borne from a desire to make money or gain fame or notoriety.  It was wholly about pursuing a passion.  For example take Brandon, the guy behind Humans of New York, he had no idea how it would all end up, but just needed to follow his passion of photography.  To be truly engaged and successful in the fullest sense of the word, dig deep and reflect on your passion, and how you can bring this to your work.  Once you have done this for yourself, you are in a better position to do it for others.  Furthermore, to act as a role model in your organisation, being authentically you, sends a strong signal that will enable others to follow your lead.

3. Embrace the whole

Every situation has an upside and a downside, every person has strengths and weaknesses, every project has pros and cons, every day has good bits and bad bits.  One of the enduring memories of any visit to San Francisco is the sheer inclusiveness – sure its not without its problems – but as a whole San Francisco is a very inclusive, liberal place, that doesn’t shy away from hiding its less attractive parts.  Likewise, I think it pays to embrace the bits of yourself or others that you’re frankly not that fond of.  We all have bits of us that we prefer to hide away but if we can embrace all of ourselves for what we are, this helps us do a better job, by an honest reflection and discussion of our strengths and weaknesses.   If you’re having a bad day, then embrace the bad bits too, or the bits of a project that didn’t go well.  This allows us to learn and grow, and ultimately become better at what we do.

Lets face it, life is busy and work can be very demanding.  By taking time to attend to the small things; identify and follow your passion; and embrace the whole, you can find new perspective, energy and ultimately perform better at work.


Wisdom 2.0 Day 3

Well, day 3 culminated in me taking the stage in front of a good 1000 or more people declaring my intention to bring the wisdom movement to NZ.  So there was that.  And in the funny way that life works, less than five steps off the stage I met with the lovely Kath Knight who shares this passion.  Thanks universe 🙂

But what about before that?  What happened on Day 3?


The day started with a moving call to action from Roshi Joan Halifax.

“Compassion as the Radicalisation of our Time”

She talked about the growing need for compassion in the world.  She talked about how compassion

  • primes our wellbeing and resilience
  • makes us happy when we help others
  • lowers inflammation and boosts immunity
  • improves longevity and decreases stress

The secret sauce to compassion she said is connectedness and relatedness.  And this is a problem in our increasing digital age.  She drew the distinction between compassion and empathy.  Empathy is a cognitive and emotional construct, however compassion requires more – feeling concern and desiring to reduce the suffering of others.

She has come up with a movement called GRACE.

  • G – Gathering Attention
  • R – Recalling intention
  • A – Attuning to oneself and to others
  • C – Considering what will serve others
  • E – Engaging and ending.

She finished up with the strong message – disrupt complacency, engage compassion.  So we don’t get mass destruction from mass distraction.

Wisdom Movement – Thriving Together

Next up was the People’s Stage instalment of Wisdom Movement.  This is a movement recently started by Monique Martineau seeking to build a wisdom community all year round, not just when the wisdom conferences happen.  The highlight of the talk for me was the exploration of polarities, adapted from the work of Polarity Partnerships.  Anna McGrath and Margaret Ryan presented this part.

They talked about polarities as being quite different from having a problem to solve – because solving a problem is not ongoing, there is an endpoint and they’re solvable.  There are independent alternatives and often contain mutually exclusive opposites  e.g. Shall I paint the wall yellow or blue, shall we hire Fred, what questions shall we ask in our engagement survey?

Whereas if you look at it in the terms of polarities to leverage its quite different.  These are ongoing, there is no endpoint and they are not solvable – they must be leveraged together.  So there are interdependent alternatives and always contain mutually inclusive opposites, e.g. Cost and Quality; Authenticity and Kindness.  The one that really spoke to me was the example we explored in the session which was Achieving on one side and Grounded Calm on the other.

When you have explored the polarities, then look at the positives and negatives of each.  So for example the positives of achieving are : full self expression, make a contribution, financial independence, more opportunities; the negatives of achieving are : burn out, imbalance, loss of perspective, illness.  The positives of grounded calm are : on purpose, focussed, ease, joy; the negatives of grounded calm are : lack of resources, self absorbed, disengaged, loss of confidence.

When you feel an early warning sign that you are stepping to far into one of the positive or negative spaces of the polarity its time to take action steps.  (see the picture I’ve attached).  Basically if you’re feeling burned out and are getting stick, its time to take action steps to get more grounded calm.  If you feel that you are disengaging, its time to take action steps to kick start achievement.  In this respect its self correcting.  When we can successfully self correct we move towards our greater purpose of what can be achieved by leveraging those dual polarities, if we get stuck in the negative results we lose or move away from our greater purpose.

This is taking an individual example but you can also take leadership and organisational polarity examples, such as:

  • Individual AND team
  • Task AND relationship
  • Logic AND emotions
  • Responsibility AND freedom
  • Organisational purpose AND organisational performance
  • Data driven decision making AND intuitive decision making.

You can basically look at any two polarities, be they personal, family, community or anything at all really.  Just ensure that they are both required for success; and both poles are worded positively.  Fascinating 🙂  And so blinkin’ obvious when you see it written down, but hard to access sometimes when you need it, and thats why having a mental framework can be so helpful.

There’s a few more things you can pick up in the pictures below.

photo (3)photo (2)

Full Plate, Empty Life: How to Achieve More by Doing Less

Great presentation by Christine Carter about being more productive by single tasking.  I think everyone knows by now that our brains don’t actually multitask, they switch attention rapidly from one thing to another.  This makes us less productive.  Christine said it perfectly when she said our brains are not like computers designed to run multiple apps at a time.

She talked about three myths / lies of our modern lives:

  1. Busyness is a sign of importance; withstanding stress is a mark of character.
  2. More is Better – work more, get more money, buy more stuff.
  3. Doing Nothing is a Waste of Time.

She turned each of these around.

  1. Allowing yourself to focus one one thing at a time avoids cognitive overload that hinders our productivity, emotional regulation and decision making.  We can step into flow where it feels like time stands still – more productive and the opposite of feeling busy.
  2. Find the minimum effective dose – e.g. how little time can you spend on your email and still be effective; how little time can you spend on social media and still be connected?  She shared her “better than nothing” workout which is 3 minutes every morning including 25 situps, 25 pushups and a one minute plank.  She says she’s never been stronger, she found her minimum effective dose.
  3. Our brains benefit when we ‘waste time’ – i.e. when we daydream.  This allows us to access creative insight, which gives helps us make those big breakthroughs – its like when we have our best ideas in the shower.  The big challenge here is to break the habit of reaching for our phones when we have ‘nothing to do’, because doing so doesn’t selectively numb our emotions, it doesn’t just make us less bored, it also means we feel less joy.  Let yourself feel how you feel with curiosity and acceptance.  Loved that.

She talked about a sweet spot of ease/joy and power.  We just need to get out of our own way and hit that sweet spot.  Remember a relaxed muscle is stronger than a tense one, And as Socrates said “beware the banality of a busy life”.

The Crossroads of Should and Must

Holy Shit!  This woman is amazing.  Her name is Elle Luna and she has been on an amazing journey over the last 12 months or so since she published an essay “The crossroads of Should and Must”.  She explained how she had a recurring dream every night for a month or so in which she stepped into a white room where the floor was concrete, the walls were a bright shining white and there were factory windows on one side.  She didn’t know what it meant and shared it with a friend, who said something extraordinary – “why don’t you go and find it in real life”.  I mean, as us kiwis say, what the actual fuck! So anyway, she went onto Craig’s List and after searching found this room, went for a viewing with 20 other people (who were in her magic room – how dare they!) and got the space.

The first night she was in there, she broke down in tears and said ‘Why am I here’, and she said the room ‘spoke’ to her and said ‘to paint’.  Cripes I’ve got goosebumps just writing this.  So she went and unpacked her painting supplies that she hadn’t used in the last five years or so, and started painting, and painting and painting.  Now she is an artist, has exhibitions, and teaches kids to explore art.

The most incredible part of this is when she said: “When you decide to follow your dream in real life, where do you go?”.  For her it was Craig’s List – but what is it for you?

She talked about the need to step back and examine the should and musts in our life.  The shoulds are often plentiful and strong – and if we follow this path we may end up living our lives for other people, to meet their expectations.  The must is often one very strong pull.  This is what you believe when you’re alone, it allows no compromises, it is unavoidable, it is undeniable.  It might be brutal, and it might be hard.  Its not always or even often the easy road.

So examine the shoulds.  e.g. “You should never…..; You should always……; You should know better than to ……; You should not ……”.

Ask yourself:

  • Where did these shoulds come from? (an ad, a song, a community, your family)?
  • Is this should true for you? (right now at this time in your life)?
  • Do I really want to keep holding on to this should?  [Note, this might be yes, in which case it becomes a must].

If once you have examined your shoulds you find that you don’t need or want this should in your life, then lay it down gently and kindly and tell it you no longer want to carry it with you. By removing the shoulds you make way for the musts.

Importantly she also pointed out that this isn’t a one time deal, we return to this exercise many times in our lives, sometimes several times a day 🙂


There are a couple of buts here that are worth exploring.

  1. But what if I don’t know what my must is?  She advocates ringing people who knew you in childhood – what did you love to do as a kid, this often contains the seeds of finding our must.
  2. But what if this raises questions that are really scary? Then get practical.  In an ideal word, your job, your career and your calling would all be aligned; but sometimes your job allows you to make the time and ability for you to pursue your calling (your must).  She talked about the other jobs that famous artists had over time – of selling used cars, as plumbers.  This was food for thought.
  3. But I don’t have time in my life to explore my must.  You need to make time for your must. She referenced a lot of Christine Carter’s talk in terms of how to make life less busy and more productive.  Schedule some ‘must’ time into your calendar.

Finally, she rounded out by saying “its not enough to reach the treasure, one must bring it back”.  She implored everyone to share their musts with the world – and share it with people who are waiting to receive it?  And finally the quote that really rounded out her presentation, one from Mark Twain : “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why”.

Final Conversation

The final part of the day was a conversation between Leila Janah and Tim Ryan.  The thing that stuck in my head here was when Leila remarked that the great myth of our time is thinking that we are all separate from one another.  When she talked about how our bodies are made up of the same matter that makes up everything else on earth and that we are all just a collection of atoms, it causes us to question this common view.   This view means we think that as I sit here writing this and that as you sit there reading this that we regard ourselves as separate and not connected.  However when you zoom out and and get a new perspective, you can see we are all interconnected.  I thought that was a great note to finish the conference on.

Oh – not mentioning the getting up on stage and sharing my commitment to continue this work in NZ.  Woot.

More on that soon.

So thats over and out from me.  Mel x

Day 2 Wisdom 2.0

I’m at a loss to know where to start!

I guess from the beginning.

Byron Katie : The Work

First up was Byron Katie and “The Work”, which was quite ironic as someone pointed out, as Emma Kirkman have started “The New Work” meetup.  I was interested to find out about this original work.  As it turns out, its a bit different to our “new work”.

Byron Katie is an expert at shifting people’s beliefs.  She’s also the type of person whose energy you can feel from 30 metres away.  She’s also funny, compassionate and real.  Basically I fell in love with her 🙂

Her premise is that if we can identify our thinking and believing then can put an end to our suffering. Especially if we can explore our thinking and beliefs with an “I don’t know” frame of mind – at the moment in time when you’re doing this there is no arguing or judging in that space. There is no right or wrong, there are just feelings.

She believes that taking your “wild child” thoughts and putting them down on the page means they can’t move from there, they’re stopped, still, and you can work with them.  She advocates getting very very still and looking for the barely there thoughts – like the princess and the pea, you know something is there, it may be tiny, but there is something there.  That’s why this process (below) is best if you take some time on it.

She believes that we do a lot of false identification, and if we identify with something that is anything less than kind, its not true.  Her belief that there is no one and nothing that isn’t here for us. We can ask people around us to help us blow our own cover, as many of the things that make us miserable are beliefs we have that aren’t true. We can stop fooling ourselves and enter a fearless state of mind.  Nice.

She also had an interesting question which I think I’ll find helpful 🙂 – “Who’s business are you in?”.

She has a “Judge your neighbour worksheet” that you fill out about someone that you haven’t forgiven yet.  You answer six questions:

1. In this situation and location, who angers, confuses or disappoints you and why?

2. In this situation, how do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?

3. In this situation, what advice would you offer to them?

4. In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need them to think, say, feel or do.

5. What do you think of them in this situation? Make a list.

6. What is it in or about this situation that you don’t ever want to experience again?

Then investigate each of the above statements using four additional questions and really get still in the moment and feel what comes up.  Then turn each thought around, e.g. “I don’t ever want to” becomes “I’m willing to” and “I look forward to….”.

The four additional questions are:

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know its true?

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4. Who would you be without the thought?

I witnessed a man who was brought up onto stage move through this process and quite honestly it was the most powerful thing I have ever seen.  It seemed like magic.

Fred Kofman – Conscious Business at LinkedIn

Fred is an awesome guy.  A brilliant intellect coupled with empathy, compassion.  He’s pretty memorable.

He advocates that most people and business behave in ways that make sense in the moment but don’t make sense in the long term. And this concept is very very easy to understand cognitively but extremely difficult to apply – kind of like a game of chess, its easy to know how to play chess but takes a lifetime of perfecting to play it well.

He believes that Conscious Business Principles are grounded in three basic truths:

1. Responsibility – make responsible choices

2. Have humility – you never had the full story, so always remain curious.

3. Integrity – share and live by your values everyday (even / especially on the hard days).

He gives himself the title Chief Spiritual Officer.  He sees “spiritual” as an animating force that helps people stay connected to whatever animates them. He drew a linkage between how this sits in with the Buddhist path to enlightenment – that the picture denoting the tenth step to enlightenment is not being in a zen like state, but coming back to be helping hands at the market.  He drew a linkage between this notion of enlightenment and coming back to the market with helping hands to making a profit and being sustainable in business along with doing good.

He talked about a quote and I don’t know who its from but it was “after the ecstacy, the laundry”.  He sees himself as doing the laundry at LinkedIn; in that he helps connect the dots of vision and everyday laundry conversations; in order to help the team win from any role.  I guess he sees the CEO Jeff as being the visionary one and him as the enabler.

He believes that change comes for him from people he trusts making a change in their life, not from curated articles, and this mirrors with this belief that its not in the knowing but its in the doing that you can change things in life or in business.

He was asked a question about making sacrifices, e.g. for profits over people or the other way around.  He likened this to a game of chess, where the key theme is to win the game.  When you see it in this context there is no real sacrifice, because if you sacrifice something in order to win the game, you are still winning the game.  I guess this begs the question, in your business, what is the aim of the game?  Is it the customer?  Is it money?  Is it around doing good?  Is it around providing an awesome workplace?  Because when viewed in these terms there is no true sacrifice.

He talked a little bit about the difficulty of incentivising people in a workplace – do you incentivise on local metrics and have local incentives? No, because then you are not evaluating the whole.  Should you incentivise people on global metrics and have global incentives? No, because then you are not evaluating the individual output. He didn’t have a clear answer other than to say that to hold people together through growth its important to connect to the mission and translate that mission into hard daily conversations.

In terms of getting something off the ground, like mindfulness practices, the conclusion was to iterate it often, go viral and grass roots and give people a choice – don’t mandate it.  The Skippy Buffy exercise is apparently worth googling, haven’t heard of it, but when I have more time I will.  Apparently this gives people a direct experience themselves.

His last remark was stop seeking momentary pleasure and find a life of happiness.  Truer words have never spoken!

Culture Building Roadmap 

This was a guide for culture champions, tribe-builders and people Geeks and change agents.

The steps covered were:

1. Reveal what your default culture is and what it is costing you.

2. Design a Culture Code that is value based, behaviourally explicit and an expression of your highest possibilities.

3. Activate a shared context of “culture as daily practice”.  Provide training for common language and behaviours.

4. Embed your culture code through organisation – hiring, on-boarding, managing performance, decision making, role definition and organisational design.

5. Amplify – find the people who already demonstrate the culture code and encourage and amplify their efforts.

6. Iterate – track leading and lagging indicators to measure progress and continuously improve.

Connection and Collaboration with Eileen Fisher

Eileen Fisher is big into mindfulness practices at her business.

Some things that work for them:

  • a chime at the beginning of each meeting where everyone has a minute or so in silence to connect in with themselves
  • a checkin – everyone has a minute or two to talk about something that is going on for them right now.
  • dialogue walks – as part of off sites people go in pairs for 20-30 minute walks and talk (time split evenly so one talks and one listens). Great for building connections across the company.

Jon Kabat-Zinn

An inspirational moment in time with this guy.

Some quotes that I thought you might like:

“Focus on this breath because the next one is not guaranteed”

“Don’t mistake thoughts about reality as reality”

“There’s no better place, you just get older”

“Hasten slowly”

“We’re all here to learn, none of us know much of anything. Its like a love affair, take a seat”

“What is your job on this planet?”

Kai Kight – finding harmony in the interplay of dissonance and consonance

Last presentation of the day.  This guy is a violinist and speaker.  He spoke of the night his mother broke the news to him that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and the regret in her life of never having lived her dream of opening a jewellery store and working with her hands on making the jewellery.

In that moment the paralysing stage fright he had experienced for years in his violin performances just dissolved and he started to see them as an opportunity to learn and grow and basically feel the fear and do it anyway.

He likened it to learning to play a difficult new note on the violin – maybe your fingers need to contort themselves to play this new note and its really uncomfortable, but in time you build up muscle memory and you can play it without thinking.  The same can happen in your life if you are prepared to make your own unusual way in the world.

By the way, his mother recovered and is now thriving.

That was just the presenters

I’m getting just as much goodness from everyone I am meeting here, and each has in their own little way added to this growing something that is inside my head.  Its so freaking great!

So, now I’m off for Day 3, and I promise when I have more time and perspective I’ll craft these blog posts into something truly awesome.

Wisdom 2.0 Day 1 – key takeouts

Well where do I even start about my first “offical” day at Wisdom 2.0 Conference 2015.

I guess with honesty by claiming the world’s worst hangover this morning, as a result of some pretty awesome partying last night.  I had to laugh when I arrived at the conference and the first thing I saw was a quote that said “When you know better you do better” by Maya Angelou.  Well, clearly I have some way to go until this applies to me.

But seriously, a little bit of self care and I was up and running ready to go for the conference.  Thanks to Austin for his advice and generous spirit in this area 🙂

So, to the conference then.  Please also bear in mind that I’m bashing this out in 30 minutes so knock yourself out looking for typos and grammatical errors OK 🙂

The standout for the day was listening to Fred Kofman and Jeff Weiner of LinkedIn talking about the “Lessons in Conscious Business at LinkedIn”.

Key points that resonated with me:

  • most people talk about their jobs in terms of a small compartment e.g. “I sell this product to this market segment”. In short they are spending their energy on optimising their subsystem within their company. But when you do this you are not optimising the main system, in fact you may lead to its destruction.  In fact to optimise the system one must suboptimise the subsystems.  In other words, its not that you sell this product to this market segment, its that you work towards achieving a shared vision, and all focus on optimising the main system.  Love it.  To look at it another way is to look at a body with cancer, each bit of the body is trying to do the best for itself but without a shared consciousness, basically you’re screwed.
  • “the best way to do is to be”.  I liked this quote and it resonated with Jeff’s purpose behind starting LinkedIn which wasn’t to build a platform but to do good business – to get the intent right, the people right, the vision right, the purpose right, and then to see what came from that.  To be honest, I was a little skeptical at first but the more he spoke I came to believe that this was his intent, and it moved me just a little.  So if LinkedIn’s key vision is to deliver economic opportunity to every person in the global workforce – how would you use LinkedIn differently, if at all?
  • “Wisdom without compassion is ruthlessness; Compassion without wisdom is folly”.  This really summed up Fred and Jeff’s strong belief that compassionate leadership and management is the way of the future – and the best way to create an organisation of like minded professionals all fused in one shared vision.  Jeff talked about the difficulty of expressing compassion to people you don’t like, whose views you don’t respect, or who you have witnessed being mean to others; and the absolute strength and fortitude that takes.  There was a strong theme of mindfulness not as touchy feely and I felt this is a good example to give voice to that.
  • Leadership as inspiring others to follow you to achieve shared objectives.  They talked about this needing clarity of vision (which mountain to climb), the courage of your convictions in order to be able to overcome adversity, and to be able to effectively communicate this vision and conviction.  Fred talked about the analogy that he had of Jeff’s leadership – that was not him rowing a boat and getting everyone rowing in the same direction, but catching a huge maverick wave on a surfboard and inspiring others to want to do the same.  If you’ve got this vision, courage and resilience sorted, then just choose the right objective and make sure you surround yourself with the best talent.  Sorted 🙂
  • The idea of LinkedIn working for them instead of them working for LinkedIn.  This resonated with me because I strongly feel that an organisation doesn’t really exist in and of itself, it is made real by the people working in it.  I loved the notion of LinkedIn serving them and it worked in this example because there is such strong buy in from individuals to Jeff’s powerful vision.
  • The old data vs intuition argument.  Man, this is really taking up some headspace for me right now.  So Jeff says “CEOs tend to be data driven” and then in the next sentence “people just know it works because they see results in day to day practice”.  Before them Julia Hartz of Eventbrite said “we are a data driven organisation” and then later says “really I believe the qualitative more”.  I sense that right now we are in a very logical-dominated business arena and everything must be measured to ascertain value.  I also think that there will be a movement towards intuition taking more of a role at the decision making table.  I guess the challenge for me is to incorporate both, to look for more data to be the balance to my intuition.  I suspect for many people the challenge may be the direct opposite.
  • Being compassionate yet still demanding excellence.  On the subject of compassionate leadership, we talked a little about what to do when you were faced with a difficult situation.  If each of us have a circle of compassion then the solution is in extending that circle of compassion and refer it back to the vision.  An excellent analogy was given of the mediocre doctor that has a high casualty rate but is a really nice guy.  That is clearly not acceptable.  And neither is dropping your standards of excellence just to be compassionate.  Always refer back to your vision as your guiding light when dealing with these difficult situations compassionately as that is the shared truth to which you are aspiring.

In other news I also discovered that:

  • Jeff Weiner has an excellent karaoke voice and he passed on some karaoke tips – avoid your favourite songs from amazing artists (you’ll only sound shite), remember its all in the energy and not the quality of voice – so find something that others can sing along to (even if for no other reason than then they won’t be able to hear you)!
  • Sweet Caroline, Lean on Me, Sitting on the Dock of the Bay are great songs apparently for karaoke.
  • Gap has an amazing performance system “Performance for Life – Better You, Better Gap”.  Loved that sentiment.
  • Karen May from Google sees learning as the goal in and of itself; and takes a very holistic view.  i.e. maybe its learning on how to be a better parent, or contribute more to society and thats all something that Google will support

Final word

But the final word goes to Julia Hartz from her amazing talk about the experience of live events.  It seems that her and I share a common life philosophy, in particular about YOLO and FOMO!

  • “Say Yes.  Live more, do more, feel more”

Perhaps thats the reason I woke up this morning with a hangover?

’til tomorrow 🙂

Mel x

Finding and claiming your gift

Another quick post from Wisdom Week.

Today I had the good fortune to attend Wisdom and Purpose in Work as part of Wisdom Week.  What a day.  It was a smallish group of people (I’d guess at about 40-50 people) which was great for small group work – a thread that was woven throughout the day.

As I don’t have much time to blog and I want to get today’s information out before tomorrow’s arrives – here is my quick download – more to come in time 🙂

The importance of listening

  • When you truly listen you are allowing a little fragile idea to take hold.  We were talking a lot about our gifts and what we can give in life.  This is pretty serious stuff, far from the usual water cooler conversation.  We talked about “fertile listening”, i.e. providing a space for someone’s little “seed” of an idea or little bit of courage to take root and grow.  Fertile listening includes deep listening, clarifying questions but no giving advice, etc.  This proved to be vital to provide the arena for people to start sharing what is actually quite personal stuff.

Giving and receiving

  • In short, to give is to receive; and to receive is to give.  Check out the idea of mudita, its cool.   I could really make sense of this in my own experience where people are giving me to so readily, sometimes without me asking and sometimes when I ask (which is pretty hard to do, lets face it).  In each of these cases when someone gives me something, I hope they receive something back by watching me take that extra step forward in my life.  Likewise when I give something, really I receive far more, seeing how it empowers that person towards success, whatever that looks like for them.
  • We asked ourselves the question in quite explicit terms, what do I have to give, what do I want to receive?  Its a great question to bust out now and again.  We did this in a circle of about eight people and it was very empowering and helped us all towards our goals.
  • Asking can be out of desperation or inspiration.  Deciding what space to ask from can change your outcomes.  Interesting.


  • You may know that this is a big thing for me and something that is growing bigger by the day.  I connected over lunch with a lovely lady who was explaining her intuitive sense to mathematics and coding.  I talked to another lady in our group who explained that she was trying to find logical words to explain her intuition.  I have this growing momentum inside me to stop denying that intuition has a special, important and powerful place in business.  In particular the intuitive approach to coding is something that I have witnessed when watching Vaughan code and know to be true – I’m keen to start a conversation on this in the tech space.

The importance of claiming your gifts

  • Something I realised today that is that if I am not to claim my gifts (e.g. my intuition) then I make it OK for other people to not claim theirs.  This is something that scares the living daylights of me – to think that my girls could be in the workforce in 10-15 years time not claiming their strengths, gifts, not living their full selves.  Stuff that!  I feel a strong pull to help people claim their true selves in the work place for lots of reasons, and now I see that a powerful way to start is to start truly claiming my own self in all respects at work.  Watch out NZ!

Its all about the journey

  • What we have to offer in this world changes and shifts over time.  You never really get “there”, right!  Its all in the journey.  I loved this reframing.  When you look at it like this you can never get it wrong.  Sometimes also, you have no freakin’ idea what you’re supposed to be doing.  Well, it doesn’t really matter when you look at it through this lens – just ask “what are the things that can help me find my way when my path ahead is not really visible?”.  That’s a good start.

You never know what’s going to happen and thats OK.

  • So you have this future imagined for yourself and how you will step into and claim your passion in life, and it doesn’t work out that way – maybe you take another road, maybe something better comes along.  Well, thats OK too.  I have seen so many people as part of the Wisdom movement really making a difference but the reality is that they may have only been introduced to this in the last year or so.  When they were thinking about their future this may not have figured in it all, but they are making a difference, living their passion.  Its great to bear witness to.   Basically, go with the flow, watch out for the new unimagined opportunities.

So in all it was a great day, very inspiring.  It was a day of big ideas and simple gestures.  It was a day of connectedness.  Thanks to Nancy and Arturo for their loving and playful approach to facilitation of the day – you guys embody all that is good in the world and really helped the day unfold as it did.

Mel x

Compassion Research Day at Facebook

Yesterday I had the good fortune of attending the 5th Compassion Research Day at Facebook.

These, my friends, are my key takeaways, which of course have come from a People & Culture perspective.  Just a word of warning, having bashed out this blog post in all of 10 minutes (before I forget and my brain gets full from today’s information) there’s bound to be some typos.  Knock yourself out finding them – yahoo.

Importance of Language

Given that in an online platform like Facebook when you can’t see other people you’re interacting with, the role and effect of language is multiplied, as all you’re left with is words (and arguably emojis and stickers).  So Facebook spend A LOT OF TIME on studying how to construct sentences to get the intention right and to increase the chance of the receiver actually taking on board the message.  There were several examples of this, normally to do with asking someone to take something down that they found embarrassing or offensive.  So, if you want to increase the likelihood of your request being met use these in your comms:

  • use their name
  • say “please”
  • be indirect
  • use apology (e.g. sorry to ask you this)
  • be humble (not as important as other four).

The other thing that Facebook found is that if they take out their exemplar sentence from the message box (the system generates one for you when you want to ask someone to remove something) and leave just an empty box, the result is half as effective as when ANY exemplar sentence is included – e.g. Even, “I don’t like it, take it down” is more effective than nothing.  So is there anywhere in here this can be used in the workplace to help people trying to sort out a difficult situation – e.g. someone is chewing loudly next to you all the time or someone is bullying you.  I thought maybe if an organisation actually gave exemplar emails that someone could flick off we might see an increase in these situations being dealt with sooner – by equipping people with tools rather than just saying – “in the first instance try and work it out yourself with the person”.

Research on awe

There was quite a large discussion on “awe” defined as “being in the presence of something vast and not immediately understood”.  In their collaboration with Berkley and/or Yale (sorry I forget which one) they’ve found that experiencing awe leads to prosocial behaviour – specifically modesty increases, curiosity increases, people are willing to make sacrifices for the group, generosity increases and it seems it can even quiet the inflammation response in the body.  When I was thinking about this and the application to work I was thinking:

  • never EVER hold an offsite in a boring room, always have an awe-inspiring view out the window (I even anecdotally know that a few minutes spent staring at the clouds moving across the sky, waves breaking on the beach etc bring these moments of awe and reinvigorate me).
  • bring little bits of awe into work – I wonder if this is why dogs at work are so popular at Vend (not for the awe but for some connectedness to something greater than yourself that can leave you feeling refreshed and reinvigorated).

And in general I was thinking about the importance of just getting some awe every now and again – look into a baby’s eyes, stare at the stars, watch snow fall, even see a magnificent sunset.  So next time you have the chance, just go grab some of that awe OK.

Research on happiness

And my final takeaway from this in a P&C context was the importance of interactions on happiness.  It seems, shock horror, that regardless of whether you’re introvert or extrovert you will always be happier if you spend time interacting with people – and interacting with people in person is more effective than interacting with them online.  Interestingly, if you’re merely around people but not interacting that has no effect at all.  So grab a coffee with your workmates, spend some time talking about the weekend, go for a lunch time walk; you might as well increase your happiness whilst you have a captive audience of friends and coworkers everyday 🙂

That was it from me.

More soon.

The birth of a meetup

Last night I hosted my first meetup with Emma Kirkman, an all round good sort from Orion Health.  I’m still fizzing at the success of it all – 45 engaged people all sharing a common goal of doing our life’s best work.  Yeah.

What makes me even MORE excited (and I can get pretty excited, lets be honest) is how we managed to pull together such a successful event in a relatively short amount of time.  I took a lot of inspiration from the Vend value “Just Fucking Do It” and simply did what it took to make it a success.

But……what DID it take?  How did I actually create this mythical meetup?  Well, I have the good fortune of working with a bunch of incredibly smart, passionate people who know about this stuff, and they generously gave of their time and knowledge to help me do this, and in the spirit of giving, I want to pass that on to you.  Note, for all I know, there may be twenty other ways to organise a meetup, but hey! it worked for me 🙂

1. Come up with something you’re passionate about.  For me this is about the collision of living the life of your dreams, fulfilling your potential AND  organisational culture – not only because it feels good for organisations to support their people in living amazing lives, but also for the cold hard commercial reality that this makes for good business.

2. See what else is out there.  If there is someone down the road hosting a meetup in your space, better you find out about that now, than when no one turns up 🙂 A quick search on and a bit of question asking will find this out pretty quick. If there is another meetup nearby, why not offer to help out!

3. Find a supporter. I love collaborating with people so when I met Emma and realised she was also keen on this mad idea of mine, I danced a little dance on the inside.  Quickly we formed an A team and found having another person to bounce ideas off made things a heap easier.  Not that you necessarily need a collaborator, but is there someone you know who hosts conferences, facilitates meetings, shares your passion; that you can call on as a bit of moral and practical support now and then?  Go find that person.

4. Spend some time on the why. This one I have to whole heartedly attribute to Emma who really drove this forward.  Ask yourself, “why would people be interested in my meetup?”  What is the kernel of truth in the middle of it all?  We spent about an hour throwing ideas and post it notes around – and now have our little description that helps us explain our meetup to others and helps us whilst navigating the first few months of its creation.

This is also a good time to coin a catchy name.

5. Come up with your first topic. Once you have step 4 nailed, this becomes easier.  Pick something that you feel super passionate about, something that you already know a bit about (you don’t want the first meetup to be too taxing), and something that you think others will be interested in.

Do you want another speaker?  If so, this is the time to start looking.  I was lucky enough to have the good fortune of meeting up again with Suzanne Hall of Be Intent and before that Living Nature about the time I was organising this meetup.  She was interested in adding her perspective to the topic of authenticity and graciously joined me as co-speaker.  Thanks Suzanne, you were amazing 🙂

6. Find a space and a way to pay for your meetup. Ahhh, the small detail of where to have the meetup?  I was super lucky as Vend’s amazing office has a great space built in for meetups.  Can you host it in your office? In someone else’s office? In a public space? Inside or outside? Also, are you going to feed and water people?  I had 45 people and it cost about NZ$300 for wine, cheese, crackers and glass hire.  Vend is very kindly sponsoring my meetup – can you get sponsorship, or will you charge a small fee?  Answer these questions now.

7. Register your meetup on  Now that you have your meetup name, topic, location, etc; its time to get it out onto  I spent a while choosing the right tags but you can always go back and tweak them.  Just get it out there.  This step is THE MOST IMPORTANT.  If you don’t do this step it goes without saying that your meetup ain’t going to be all that successful 🙂

8. Promote your meetup.  A bit of shameless promotion never goes amiss.  I tweeted about my meetup two or three times, and directly asked a few people in my network who are very well connected to retweet it.  I facebooked it and did the same thing, asking for some shares.  I talked about it on LinkedIn.  I went through my email inbox and sent emails off to those people who I thought might be interested.  I asked Vend if they could make some noise on the Vend twitter and LinkedIn accounts.  I mentioned it to people in passing.  Basically I went all out on the PR, because it was important to me that we had a good turnout.  For me, the goal was 30 people.  When I only had about 10 one week out, that put the fire in my belly to take the small steps to ensure the momentum was building.  I suggest you set yourself a goal and then everyday do just one little thing to get yourself a step closer to achieving it.

9. Promote your meetup some more.  You’ve probably got the idea that I did a lot of promotion, when you think you’re finished, just do a little bit more 🙂

10. Draw up a run sheet.  Again, I’ll attribute this to Emma who is clearly a lot more organised than me!  The run sheet was pretty simple but gave us a bit of an idea about when we should start reorganising the furniture, when attendees would arrive, when speakers would start, etc.  It was invaluable on the night so we were both on the same page.

11. Time to get to the details.  On the day of the meetup, I was very busy.  I had to make a run to the supermarket (next time I’ll use internet shopping), I had to pick up the glasses after forgetting all about hiring them until the last minute, I had to enlist some helpers to reorganise furniture.  I had to get someone to man the door – letting people in, I had to ask someone to do name tags, had to get someone to organise the cheese and cracker platters, to set up the drinks and glasses, etc.  So in short leave a few hours for all of this, enlist some help in advance and make a checklist of everything you think you need to do.  Hopefully the list of stuff above helps.

12. Talk to people and make them feel welcome. Take an interest.  Make it a two-way affair.  To be honest, once people had started arriving, I was a bit exhausted thanks to steps 1-11 above, and it took me a few minutes to realise that this was the most important time of the whole journey.  So I quickly regained my mojo and took an interest in people – why had they come? what were they hoping to get out of it? what rocked their boat?  I’m a richer person for taking the time to fully engage with the attendees and I’m so pleased that I realised the importance of this at the start of the meetup.  It also helped me realise what might be good fodder for future topics and furthermore just inspired me with people’s amazing stories.  This is your time to step beyond the business and get into the moment of enjoying this little movement you’ve created.

13. Get feedback from attendees. Be prepared with a way of getting feedback.   There will be no better time to get feedback from your attendees than right at the meetup, so why not create a little feedback form and have it on hand.  We used one that simply asked the questions: “What would you start in the next meetup? What would you stop in the next meetup? What would you like to see less of? What would you like to see more of? What ideas do you have for future topics?”  Anything really will be fine.

14. Rinse and repeat.  Take some time out to enjoy having had your first meetup, and then get cracking on no. 2!

I hope this how to will be helpful for you if you’re contemplating starting a meetup.

The final word has to go however to the notion of just getting started – your meetup will amount to nought if it stays in your head – so take those first few actions today – get it listed on, commit yourself, work hard and as we say at Vend “just fucking do it”.